As parents, we are sometimes unaware of the relationship we build with our children and how that may impact their behaviour. This can become particularly obvious in family business succession.
‘I’ve spent my life building the business so that I can provide for the financial needs of the family. This was my prime role and I have had to bear the burden of many decisions and risks that no one in the family could ever appreciate. The family has benefited from these efforts and enjoyed the many privileges that come with financial success. And yes, it has meant that I was not always able to be with the family at dinner time, weekends and special events but these are the sacrifices that we have all had to make.’
This is a very common scenario and dialogue for family businesses where either the mother or the father, and at times both, have committed themselves completely to the business. Often simply to financially provide for the family and to keep the business going.
But what I have noticed, in such circumstances, is the relationship that may exist between the parent and a child can be one that will lead to disappointment, conflict and a failed family business transition, if not carefully nurtured.
Whether mother or father and son or daughter, in any combination, the child often looks to the business parent for endorsement. ‘Please tell me, show me, that I am doing well. That I am meeting your expectations, that I will be successful in business.’ And the business parent – so used to being in business mode and not having developed a relationship with their child where they really listen and hear – ignore the calls for endorsement.
The child will never be able to reach the business parent’s expectations, as they are so used to in business always asking for more and setting higher standards to drive the most from their business. But their children are not their business but they are in many ways the future of their business, and their true and only legacy.
For family business succession to be successful, parents must be able to transverse the range of relationships with their children from mentor to coach to boss. While all the time remembering that first and foremost they are a parent to whom the child will always look for affirmation, reassurance and endorsement. Miss these elements and any attempts at succession may fail without the parent realising why.
Active Knowledge Question:
- When was the last time you praised your child, even as an adult, and told them you are proud of their efforts? Do it more often and strengthen your relationship with them.
Act Now
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All the best in the success of your business,
Richard Shrapnel
